Too Cool To Be Loved by @TrillahMNM

Posted: May 15, 2015 in The Trill Spot
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The other day I jacked a page out of Flychologists book and tweeted “At the end of the day….we all just want someone we can say the (Childish Gambino) “3005” chorus to.” A few people retweeted it, a few favorited it, which is cool because I guess it means people agree with it. A few hours later while working I got a notification that someone had replied to my tweet so I checked to see what they said. Basically it was some guy saying if someone said the “3005” chorus to him that he would break up with them. I just sat there in the middle of work staring at my phone trying to figure out why would someone would say something like that. It made no sense to me, why would you break up with someone cause they told you that they like you? All I could do was shake my head and hope the dude wasn’t serious but knowing these new niggas nowadays you can’t really tell.

The whole thing made me realize something, a lot of you people are single because you’re way too cool to be in a relationship. Y’all think you aren’t but you really are. You can’t fathom the thought of doing anything that might be considered corny by all these other people that are also too cool to be in a relationship that you trying to impress. Let me break it to you idiots, BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP IS CORNY. Everyday isn’t going to be Christmas morning and and everynight isn’t going to be Valentines Day night. There will be a lot of “boring nights” and things in between those “great days” but you lying to yourself if you think that watching Netflix by yourself with a bag full of dollar menu items is just as dope as watching Netflix with someone who cares about you and a real meal. Some of you are way too busy trying to sell people on you being too good for practical dating yet you’re practical people. You aren’t special, you’re the person waiting for the bus telling the other people at the bus stop that cars are wack.You’re the person watching Netflix by yourself all weekend in your underwear from two days ago because you had no plans but you out here frontin for us like you somehow above having someone non-blood related actually care about you. Well we don’t believe you, you need more people…or maybe just one person. Maybe I should just mind my business and let you guys be too cool. You gonna be cool as shit at those family gatherings with your family secretly questioning your sexuality because you been showing up solo your whole life but that’s what y’all want so don’t let me interfere with your happiness.

 

Trillah Out.

#Love#Kiss#NewYears

Monday Morning Mindstate: The Superbowl Edition by @theflychologist

Posted: February 2, 2015 in M.M.M.
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sherman

 

If you are one of the 110 million people who watched the Superbowl until the end yesterday then you witnessed what will go down as the dumbest play call in the history of any sport. With the time running out, the game on the line, and the ball a half a yard away from the endzone, Seattle’s Offensive Coordinator decided that they show throw the ball over attempting to run it. Let’s breakdown why that’s the absolute dumbest playcall ever.

* The Seahawks have Marshawn Lynch, a man nicknamed “Beastmode” because of his ability to pick up extra yardage while defenders are trying to tackle him. It was actually Marshawn who got them to the one yard line to attempt the dumbest play call in history after dragging a bunch of Patriots defenders. Not giving him the ball in that situation is a direct slap in the face to him and his skill-set.

* The Patriots had their goal line defense on the field which means they had bigger and slower guys clogging up the goal line. Whenever you throw the ball in football, it’s up for grabs by anyone and everyone. Why would you want to force a ball into a confined space where defenders outnumber your players? You’re asking your quarterback to force a ball to a wide receiver who due to space constraints has little to no breathing room. That’s a very low percentage play with that kind of distance. Not a play you would call on second down when you haven’t even attempted high percentage plays like giving the ball to your running back who specializes in running off tackle and bouncing outside the lines of bigger slower defenders. They didn’t even attempt the quarterback sneak, another high percentage play.

* If they really felt they had to throw the ball, why not run a real pass play? If you want to complete a pass on a goal line defense, you have a better chance by spreading them out. The Patriots had not been able to stop Russell Wilson scrambling on broken plays all game so if everyone was covered then he still would have had a great chance to make something happen with his feet. All he had to do was get a half of a yard on his own if he couldn’t find an open receiver.

I could break this play down multiple ways but it will always boil back down to keep the ball in sure hands on the ground and push forward. These are things you learn in pop warner. It’s easy to blame the offensive coordinator for this big of a goof but this play had to go through three channels to come to fruition. It had to go through the coordinator to the head coach to the quarterback. One of those people should have questioned the necessity of that playcall but they let it go and it cost them everything. I’m too disappointed to finish this blog so I’m just going to say shout out to all my Africans and try to pretend yesterday didn’t happen.

 

Flychologist out.

#Love#Kiss#NewYears

Monday Morning Mindstate – Where’s My Hug? by @TrillahMNM

Posted: January 12, 2015 in Uncategorized
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Everyday I wake up and thank god that I’m not a where’s my hug ass nigga. No way in hell you’re prospering in life if you strong arming women into hugging you. If we’re keeping it all the way real that’s a mid level sexual assault. Any women you do that to is NEVER giving you any sex…EVER. Ain’t no reason for any dude not old enough to be a grandfather to be asking for a hug. If you want a hug from a women then just move in for one. Women like hugs, so if you go to hug a women and she dodges the hug you got bigger problems than a fucking hug. Get your shit together. Cut that monkey shit out,you embarrassing us. Word to a Pimp named C.

 

                                                                                                    Your Friend,

King Trillah

#Love#Kiss#NewYears

Everything Wrong With Total Slaughter In A Nutshell by @TheFlychologist

Posted: July 13, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Whether you’re and avid battle rap fan like Trillah and I or just someone who keeps up with rap culture in general, you most likely heard about Total Slaughter going down. The TV show where a bunch of battlers lived under the same roof and battled each other in front of Slaughterhouse for a chance to be on what was supposed to be the greatest battle rap event ever, a live Pay-Per-View to be seen worldwide also named Total Slaughter.Backed and bankrolled by former battle rapper turned mega pop star Eminem, holding onto big name battles like Murda Mook vs Loaded Lux part 2 , and a match up between semi-famous full time black twitter celebrity and part time rapper Joe Budden and arguably the top battle rapper in the game Hollow da Don, what could go wrong? Everything, EVERYTHING went wrong. Here’s a recap of what,why,where,who,and how Total Slaughter went wrong?

-They didn’t release the whole card until days before the battle – It left people in the air trying to decide on whether it was worth the purchase. They also didn’t kill the rumor of Royce da 5’9 battling Arsonal leading people to believe it was going to happen.

-The hosting was terrible – Sway was completely out of his element and all true battle rap fans cringed every time he called a round a rebuttal. His small talk when trying to buy time was utterly ridiculous,especially for a guy who hosts a radio morning show. Sway did not have the answers…again.

-The hosting was REALLY terrible – Someone somewhere thought it would be a cool idea to have morning radio show host Ebro be a commentator. For those of you not familiar with Ebro outside of disrespecting hip-hop legend Chuck D of Public Enemy, Ebro went on record and called battle rap immature,corny,and a waste of time a few months ago. Yet there he was last night picking up a check off of battle rap like a true culture vulture with no morals or integrity. Only thing more cringe-worthy than Sway misusing the word rebuttal was Ebro critiquing battlers like he was some kind of expert trying to counter his co-host Royce da 5’9s positive neutrality. He actually told a battler “That line would have hit harder if you were winning.” What a fucking idiot. It was a throwback to the old WWF days with one positive announcer and one negative announcer. Truly not needed in battle rap and watered down the event.

-The stage setup – Total Slaughter made it a point to not have any people on stage outside of the two battlers and a referee. The referee ended up being DJ Kay Slay but it doesn’t really matter cause he didn’t do anything at all. He just stood there looking real out of place. He didn’t keep time or anything else referees do. He literally just stood there. If he had a chair up there it would’ve looked like he had the only exclusive VIP spot in the venue. To his defense, he didn’t have to do anything cause there was nothing to do up there. The stage was big enough to hold an orchestra and only had two people on it. Totally killed any real agression the battlers might have wanted to convey. You can’t get at a dude who can walk away and come back whenever he feels like it. When you have people behind you and nowhere to go it creates a confined space. Agression only sells in battles cause they’re face to face, not walking around. Speaking of round, the stage was and octagon which was a terrible move. Battlers were rapping in a circle trying to connect with the fans behind them so they don’t see their back all match, but all the two cameras (yes two) were in the front so the people at home spent a lot of time looking at battlers backs and watching them chase each other around the octagon. Terrible idea that killed the authentic-ness of all the battles.

-The Judging – The judges had to give no explanation on why or how they picked any of the winners. There was no bullet points, no deliberation, nothing. We didn’t even have the judges speaking from their own mouths to tell us who they thought won. Many people who were at the event complained about not being able to hear battlers at certain points so I’m sure the judges couldn’t either.

-The Battles Themselves – Before I go in on this let me just say I believe every battle match-up has the potential to be good. Whether or not they are is questionable, but as a battle rap fan these match-ups made no sense. Daylyt vs T-Rex had to happen cause it was the climax to the TV series. (not commenting on Daylyt being Daylyt and the antics because they allowed that to happen and you get what you pay for) Murda Mook vs Loaded Lux part two made no sense and was very unnecessary,they kept playing it up as unfinished business but anyone who saw the first battle knows Lux won convincingly. That was just a way to rehash something classic to try and milk it for a few more dollars. Big T vs Arsonal suffered for the already mentioned horrible stage setup and shaky audio. Wasn’t a bad battle to start the night off with as there weren’t too many expectations for it. Joe Budden vs Hollow da Don looked great on paper but was executed as poorly as a battle could ever be. It was obvious from the beginning that Budden was recieving special treatment for being a semi-celebrity backed by the event promoters. Hollow was not even given a mic before the match started and Joe Budden knew the sound guy by his first name. Joe was allowed to do whatever he wanted, even dropping the mic and refusing to rap at one point cause the crowd wasn’t feeling his lines. This was another battle that had the agression deflated by the battlers having so much space to walk around and not be in each others face.

This event somehow managed to suck out all of the authenticity and raw feel that battle rap has to it and packaged up some watered down bullshit. I’m pretty sure it made a lot of money with Eminems name attached to it even though we never saw him,but we all got hustled. Personally, the only thing I took from this event is that we all lost. Avid battle rap fans who know what real battles and events are supposed to be like and people trying to get into battle rap that will think that a shitty event like this is the normal way of doing things.

 

Flychologist Out.

 

Show You How To Hustle Vol. 3 by @TrillahMNM

Posted: June 24, 2014 in Uncategorized
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                                                                   Bully Your Way Into A Relationship

 

As the Flychologist loves to say, yesteryears romantic gesture is todays stalker move which is true shit. You really can’t do romantic shit for women anymore. These bitches are ungrateful. But if that’s the case then what are yesteryears stalker moves now? If the tables turned on romantic gestures then logic dictates they did on stalker moves too. How can you use that to your advantage? Let me show you the way right quick after this quick message from our sponsor…

* Disclaimer- The staff at TheFlychologist.com is not responsible for any of the million things that can go wrong with this highly experimental hustle. We are however responsible for everything that happens to go right in this modern day love story*

Alright so you got a single chick you been plotting on on trying to be boo’d up with that ain’t taking you serious or giving you some type of run around? Hit her up to go out and do something or whatever gets her to you. She’ll come because we all know bitches love sponsored adventures and food. Just start having a good time and enjoying shit.

While you have her on the hook, just look her in the face non-serial killer like and say “Look, me and you have been dating in my mind for a while now, you’re my girlfriend regardless of how you feel about me right now. The way I see it you can be apart of this and enjoy all that this union has to offer, or you can keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” Give her a second to think it over and watch her agree to your offer if she’s smart. Congatulations, you are now boo’d up. In the slim chance she doesn’t accept your offer, just keep pretending you and her are dating. Text her and ask her how her day went,invite her out to things,send her stupid memes to make her smile, etc. She’ll come around in due time, Bernie Mac made his high school basketball team by showing up everyday and asking the coach what he wanted him to do. You show up to a relationship everyday then it’s only a matter of time before it goes both ways.

Lord of the Trill out.
#Love#Kiss#NewYears.

Don’t Be That Guy by @TrillahMNM

Posted: May 18, 2014 in The Trill Spot
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Life is full of idiots,dickheads,assholes,douchebags,cunts or whatever word you want to use to describe them. Nothing you do outside of a mass murder killing spree will change that. All you can do is make sure you aren’t a fuckboy and that you don’t raise the youth you come in contact with to be fuckboys.While you make your journey through life, let me give you some quick examples of guys you don’t ever want to be.

1 – Don’t be that guy who picks his girl up from her job blasting the most vulgar rap song out and staring down her male co-workers as they exit. If she is cheating on you or is going to cheat on you, there’s a good chance that it’ll be with one of them. Don’t give them the ammo to clown you with and tear the walls down from within…the wall of her job. You really want dudes in your girls ear telling her how much of a clown you are eight hours a day, five days a week? Eggzactly.

2 – Don’t be that guy who is equal height or shorter than his woman and then forbids her to wear high heels. That’s just petty bro. Obviously height isn’t that big of a deal to her if she’s fucking with you so why would you make it one. When you stunt a womens growth even if it’s fake growth, the next guy that doesn’t can get the draws. If she ever cheats on you or you two ever break up I guarantee the next dude will be taller than you.

3 – Don’t be that guy that goes to the corporate office party under-dressed, gets drunk, and begs the DJ all night to play the hoodest hood shit out. Your co-workers and bosses don’t need to know that you get buck like and they’ll be laughing at you, not with you. Focus more on the corporate and less on the party. Do you really want your boss looking at you as a potential assault or sexual harassment case down the line?

4 – Don’t be that guy who only dates other races and slanders his races women. Every race of women have their own unique set of hangups and a few of them can be attributed to just being women. You don’t date your race, that’s your business but you don’t have to broadcast it to anyone that’ll listen to you. If you have to put something down to uplift your choice then your choice must not be that great cause it sounds like you trying to convince yourself. People in a better place don’t waste time complaining about the shittier place. If the grass is really greener on the other side of the fence then why are you still complaining about the grass that you not dealing with anymore? Go enjoy the good grass.

5 – Don’t be that guy who goes out with his friends and gets knockdown carry out drunk. We’re all adults bruh, no one came out to babysit you like you a child. Get blackout drunk at home or on your own time.

6 – Don’t be that guy who eats ass. Just don’t, you’re ruining it for men everywhere. Nobody respects an ass eater either. Not even the person with the ass you just ate. Seriously, don’t be that guy.

Your friend, Trillah

The Only First Date You’ll Ever Need by @TheFlychologist

Posted: April 27, 2014 in Free Range Flychology
Tags: , , ,
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First and foremost, I’m not going to debate who should pay on dates.Women want it both ways nowadays which is ridiculous as is all women logic.They want to be independent until the check comes then they want a man to take the charge…literally. This was a free range speech I gave for gentlemen who pay for dates. Why? Cause they’re gentlemen. Now without further ado, lets get into it.

One of the worst feelings you can ever have is feeling like you’ve been used. You put yourself out there and got taken advantage of. It sucks, especially when you actually invested a lot into it. When you’re single,dating,and want to make a good impression on a first date we tend to pull out all the stops. We buy new clothes,try to pick the perfect restaurant, and nice activities for after dinner so you can create the perfect night and you do.Then it happens, while you were patting yourself on the back for pulling off the greatest first date you ever created and plotting the perfect follow up date, you don’t even realize your text aren’t being replied to, your phone calls aren’t being answered, you’re voice mails aren’t being returned, and your comment on her instagram selfie got ignored. When you finally do get in contact it’s either cause she wants you to take her on another nice date or she’s just tired of ignoring all your attempts to connect with her so she gives you some reason why you and her isn’t going to work out. All you can think about is when did she decide that this wasn’t going to work out? Before or after she knocked back the three Patron’ margaritas and ordered the surf n turf with extra surf that she ended up taking home? Before or after you took her to the Kevin Hart show? Don’t stress yourself trying to figure out why someone doesn’t like you, it’s unhealthy and you’ll probably never know. What you do know is that you just sponsored an extravagant night for someone that you hoped would be in your life that you may never interact with again. That’s a horrible return on investment, you just flushed money down the toilet. You took a big risk and it didn’t work out. That’s life, it happens like that sometimes. Now let me show you how to not make it happen.

Date levels

See the problem is that the dating spectrum has been completely thrown out of wack due to high levels of competition. Centuries on top of centuries of men trying to one up each other for women has gotten us to this point,leading off with extravagance. We’re starting at the ass end of the spectrum, we should be saving those types of dates for the long terms and committeds. Wives should be getting extravagant dates, fiances too I guess, not some chick you just met and want to impress that hasn’t done anything to deserve some extravagant outing from you. Here’s what the chick you just met deserves, coffee or ice cream. Why coffee or ice cream? Easy,they’re both simple,quick,and most important of all,inexpensive. You meet a woman for alcoholic drinks and she’ll be three Long Island Ice Teas in before she gives you some reason why she’s not going to have sex with you and if she reaches for the tab its so she can instagram it after you already paid it to show her friends how she’s living. No chick is drinking three cups of coffee and if they did it would still cost less than one alcoholic drink. Same goes for ice cream,that chick who wanted to get you for the surf n turf with extra surf is not running through more than two bowls of ice cream. When you take a woman out for coffee or ice cream you also cut out all the excess time of a date. No waiting for a table or food to be prepared or flagging down a waiter for the check, just in and out if need be. With all the extra out of the way you can actually focus on getting to know what your date is about mentally. No plate of food to hide behind,no waiter interrupting every five minutes,just conversation. One thing the coffee and ice cream date also does is take the edge off most people and relieves some of the tension and anxiety that traditional first dates have. It creates a more relaxed environment to just hang out and talk,isn’t that what a date supposed to be about?

The possibilities of the coffee or ice cream date are endless. You can decide if she’s someone you would want to do more with or just go your separate ways. Even if you two go your separate ways and you never see her again, the damage to your finances is a cup of coffee or a bowl of ice cream. Way better investment than a three course meal at a nice restaurant. Another great thing about this kind of date is that it will also help you weed out who’s worthy and who’s not worthy of being taken out. I’ve tried to use this date on multiple women and a ridiculously high number said yes to going out but turned around and said no or backed out once they found out the choice was either coffee or ice cream. One even told me that it’s a cheap date and she’s not a cheap date kind of girl.Could you imagine if I did end up doing something more expensive with her only to find out she’s ungrateful and egotistical as she stuffs her face full of jumbo shrimp on my dime? I’d be disgusted. I wouldn’t want to have dealings with a chick that thinks she’s too good for a coffee or ice cream date and apparently no one else does either cause that girl is still single,hoping for that white knight to come. How people react to things lets you know a lot about them and a woman’s reaction to this kind of date will let you know a lot. So before you go sponsoring meals fit for a queen and getting yourself saved as “free food” in a bunch of ladies phones,dial it back to the beginning of the dating spectrum and start simple. Save that money for when you do connect with someone who’s done something to deserve you pulling out all the stops.

Flychologist out.
#Love#Kiss#NewYears

Let The Older Gods Put You On by @TheFlychologist

Posted: April 13, 2014 in Appreciation, Free Range Flychology
Tags: , ,
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There’s an old African proverb that says when an old man dies, a library burns to the ground. Which is true cause old people have a lifetime of knowledge stored away but odds are unless you know the right buttons to push to unlock the hidden knowledge,they’re going to hit you with some inspirational quotes to keep you prospering. There’s nothing wrong with that though, we all need deep and positive quotes in our life but there’s a lot of gems in the knowledge that most old people never really share. While chilling at a wedding with an open bar I got to shoot the breeze with some older liquored up married men and pick their brains for their dating knowledge since they don’t need it anymore.Here’s what they had to say.

1. Don’t be afraid to tell a woman that you like her. Woman need to hear it. Even if you casually or jokingly slip it in there. Just make sure you’re looking her in the eyes when you say it and I guarantee the whole dynamic of the conversation and how she acts will change.

2. Randomly observe any woman for a few minutes and count how many times she checks her phone. Think about that the next time a woman tells you she didn’t see your text or call.

3. If you ask a women out ,YOU PAY. THE END. Don’t be childish and if you paying the bill is that big of a deal then don’t ask anyone out in the first place. You could always offer to cook a meal if you don’t want to spend that much money.

4. If a woman won’t eat with you then she won’t do anything with you . A women is going to eat at least three times a day,seven days a week. If she won’t do it one time with you then you’re wasting your time. Move on.

5. When you ask a woman out, don’t ever give an exact day and time. They might not be available then and it might come off like you got turned down. Just ask her would she like to do something sometime, if she says yes then let her tell you when is a good time on her schedule. Unless it’s an event or something,leave the window open.

6. If you ask a woman out and she asks where or what are you guys going to do before saying yes just make up an excuse to get out of it right then and there. If a woman wants to do something with you she’s not going to ask where or what you two are going to do before cause all that will get figured out when the time comes. When a women asks where or what are we going to do, it’s no longer about you. You aren’t selling yourself anymore, now you’re selling the place you plan on taking her. She’s saying “I don’t like you that much but i’ll go somewhere with you if I really want to go to the place you want to take me.”

7. Don’t take dick pictures, EVER. Don’t be afraid to show your dick to a woman if she wants to see it though. Just make sure no one else is around and you’re good. Lots of good things happen when a women and a dick meet in private

G.O.A.T. Quotes Vol. 2 by @TrillahMNM

Posted: April 8, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags:
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As you live your life,people will say things that will stick with you. All for different reasons, some will make you laugh, some will make you shake your head in disappointment, and some stick with you and help guide you through life. They can come from anywhere. Anybody can say something that can stick with you for a long time. For instance, these are some of the random quotes I’ve heard in my years.

1. “Every fight you have is a fight to the death nowadays. This isn’t the old days, there’s no honor anymore. You don’t know what will happen if you fall on the ground or God forbid get knocked out. You might get a kick to the face or hit with a weapon that you can’t just walk away from. If you aren’t ready to kill or be killed then you shouldn’t even be fighting. Just walk away.”

2. “Her and my hand do the same thing and my hand don’t have to be taken out to eat first.”

3. “The end of a mans friend-zone levels is the beginning of a womans friend-zone levels. Mens friend-zones go from sex to relationship stuff,womens go from relationship stuff to sex. This is why men and women can’t be friends.”

4. “We always talk about black people stuck in the slave mentality,but no one ever speaks on white people being stuck in the slave master mentality.”

5. “The first offer when negotiating is just a lowball offer to guage how much of a sucker you are.Don’t be a sucker and take the first offer they give you, it’s their low point not their high point. You can do better but don’t push too hard and price yourself out.”

6. “The social media followback is really this generations version of the car door from A Bronx Tale. Let’s you know what a person really thinks of you and says a lot about their ego if they can’t take a second to press a button and find out how you’re doing.”

The Worst Curves by @TheFlychologist

Posted: February 21, 2014 in Free Range Flychology
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Way too many people live their lives in fear of being curved. You can’t do that. You can’t let being curved decide what you do and don’t do. Life’s rough and you will be rejected more times than you can remember and there’s not much you can do about it. Jesus got rejected, Martin Luther the King got rejected,even Michael Jackson got rejected. You are not the exception, the social part of life is all about how you sell yourself to the world. Not everyone is going to buy what you’re selling ,but as a great salesman once told me “You gotta get the rejections out the way to get to the receptions. It’s a numbers game, the more hands you shake, the more money you make.” Most of the time we blow minimal curves out of proportion, especially when it comes to trying to get women. Why? I don’t know. You’re a man trying to get sex from a woman, it’s what you where designed to do. Never feel bad about that, it’s all part of the game. The next time you think some chick telling you no is the end of the world take a look at this list and realize that no isn’t the worst thing you can hear. So in no particular order, I give you the worst of the curves.

The Laugh In Your Face Curve– The cold approach takes a bit of courage or an insufficient number of fucks. It’s one of the few things in life where you don’t always get out of it what you put into it. It can really mess up your psych if you let it, but you miss one-hundred percent of the shots you don’t take. A dice roll is going to be a dice roll, no matter how hard you blow on the dice or how long you shake the dice, but if you don’t roll them then you’ll never know. But what if you roll the dice and it goes horribly wrong? So wrong that it makes you regret the whole thing. That’s the laugh in your face curve. Now there’s three different types of laughing in your face curves.

1. The your pickup line was funny – Now this isn’t bad. You opened with a light joke to get her laughing. Might have been super corny, might have been something she’s never heard before, she might just be goofy. Whatever it is, just capitalize on it and make it happen.

2. The boy quit playing – She didn’t take what you said serious at all but she’s not completely shutting you down, just your offer. Feel free to try again with something better, if that’s your thing. She could just be playing hard to get.

3. The nigga you can’t be serious – This that shit that make your soul burn slow. This chick is clowning you for even thinking you had a shot with her. PROTIP : If this ever happens to you just cover your nose with your finger, make a stink face and say “Oooh never mind. ” That’ll humble a chick up real quick.

Now the first two aren’t that bad but that third one can be deadly. You have to read that laugh accordingly so you know how to make your next move. You get them mixed up and you’ll end up staying when you should have left and leaving when you should have stayed. She could be laughing with you, but then again she could be laughing at you. Learn the difference. 

The Ignoring Of Your Whole Essence Curve – There’s two types of dudes in the world, those not afraid to cold approach a woman they don’t know and those that are afraid to. If you’re a shook one all I can tell you is grow up cause you’re just setting yourself up for a future lost but that’s a completely different blog. If you aren’t a shook one and you are out there doing your thing then you’ve come across the ignoring of your whole essence a few times. Most likely around club and party nights cause most womens defenses are on alert level red. I understand that but damn, who doesn’t respond to a hi or hello? That’s just what decent human beings do out of common courtesy.She just acted like you wasn’t even there. Now you “Ma with the ghetto booty! Lightskin, lightskin in the red with the fat ass, I know you hear me light-bright” ass dudes are on your own. No chick worth a damn should be responding to that anyway but for us dudes who didn’t come at a women like a savage to straight be ignored is just rough. Especially if you see a dude who did come at her like a savage not get his whole essence ignored.

Pushed Into The Friendzone Curved – First off, let’s not pretend the friendzone isn’t a curve cause it is. It’s the equivalent of being put in a cage and let out when you can be of use. Congratulations, you’re a pokemon homie. Now no women is ever going to come out and say “I don’t like you like that so you’re going in my friendzone poke-ball for times when I can’t get dudes I do like like that to give me any attention.” That’s not how they work so you end up being ambushed and pushed into the friendzone. You thought you were in the clear, you got the number/Twitter/Instagram/Kik or whatever new app the cool kids are using nowadays. You two chatting back and forth, you got invited over to “watch a movie” friday night. You’re pulling out all the stops, you’re diddy bopping around your house, practicing your go to sex positions in the mirror, and stretching like you’re about to run the forty yard dash. You show up at her place with the aura of Big Daddy Kane in ’89…….only to find out that she really just wanted to watch a movie. Now you’re sitting there tight, fresh to death, watching some unfunny black comedians low budget movie side-eying some broad in her pajamas who is perfectly fine with the three feet of space between you and her on the couch. You could be out somewhere, anywhere in the world, but you here getting curved. Don’t feel bad, if you haven’t lived through that at least once then you haven’t lived at all.

Curved By A Chick Who Becomes A Lesbian – You’ve been working on this chick for a good while now. You’ve been slowly breaking her wall down so you can get to the important wall. The pace you’re working at it could go down any day now….any day now. You’re just waiting for THIS new flavor of the month dude to mess it up and give you another attempt to slide in. Then like clockwork the other dude messes up and you grease yourself up to slide right in, but not too early that you come off as a dude that cares cause that’s how you put yourself in the friendzone. So you fall back and let her homegirls do all the emotional heavy lifting of getting over the other dude. You just put your bid in and let her know you’re serious about her and ready whenever she’s ready. Nothing changes, you took your shot and she dodged it like Neo in the matrix. You fall back to regroup and re-plan before some new flavor of the month slides in there, but something just isn’t right about her now. She’s acting erratic, she’s going out, but not to her normal hangout spots and not with her regular friends. Even they’re confused about what’s going on. The rumors are flying around, her and some new chick friend have been hanging out….A LOT. You’re living in denial cause she’s been dealing with dudes as long as you’ve known her so you’ll believe it when you see it. Then you see it, her being lead around like a puppy by some chick dressed like a rapper from the 90’s who’s looking like she wants to square up with you for hugging her girl too long but she daps you up anyway after the chick introduces you as her homeboy. Now you’ve seen it and you’re sick and irate at the same damn time. All that quality box just gone to waste. You don’t even know who to blame for it. The last dude for for ruining it everyone with a penis? The chick who curved you to play a home game? Her chief keef looking life partner? Don’t blame anyone, you just have to write it off and live your life.

Curved By A Known Hoe – How can you not get this? You know for a fact that she smashed the homies. Everybody hit it, Ronnie ,Bobby, Ricky, and Mike, Chris, Mark, Red, Dave, and Ro. Ro got halitosis and still lives his mother yet here he is showing you a two minute cellphone video of him hitting her with the dougie like Cam in Paid In Full. Once again, HOW CAN YOU NOT GET THIS?…Holy shit. You didn’t get it? Seriously? Everybody had it, how did you not get it? All you were trying to do was get a quick W to offset all the other curves you’ve been taking and give you some momentum but you got curved by a chick that curves no one…except you. Now you feel even worse than you did deciding that you were going to add your name to the Vietnam Wall inside her vagina. You can try to figure out why not you but everyone else. You can even ask her why not you.You can even let her know that you know that she gave it up to every dude on your Facebook friends list but why? All you’re gonna do is create unnecessary drama for your peoples and still not get any. Just take the loss and hope no one ever hears about you failing to slam dunk on a seven foot rim.

Curved To Be Another Dudes Side chick – This is the holy grail of curves I don’t care what anyone says. This will send your anger level then your sadness levels through the roof. It’ll change the way you look and feel about things. Before this went down you thought Drake was soft and only made soft music for chicks and Joe Budden was a clown. Now their discographies are taking up all the space on your IPOD. This will have you staring outside your window into the distance on the first day of spring wondering should you even go outside. This will having you swinging at air like Tre in Boyz N The Hood. Here you are trying to make this girl your queen and she’s turning it down to be some dudes bed-wench. You can’t even deal with that without getting angry. You offering her a nice night out on the town and she’s turning it down to sit home and hope dude swings through with some McDonald’s after his girl gets busy or text her when his girl goes to sleep. She’s choosing a dude she can’t even be seen in public with over you who she could do anything with at anytime. This must be how Harriet Tubman felt when she was trying to free slaves and they would tell her “Nah, I’m good.” I’m getting angry just speaking on it and I haven’t even been through it. This will have you questioning if this relationship thing is even for you.

 

Yeah so there you have it. The worst of the women curves. Next time you’re out there living your life and you get worried about a chick curving you, remember this list and remember that her saying no is not the worst thing that can happen.

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