Posts Tagged ‘Flychology’

The Only First Date You’ll Ever Need by @TheFlychologist

Posted: April 27, 2014 in Free Range Flychology
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First and foremost, I’m not going to debate who should pay on dates.Women want it both ways nowadays which is ridiculous as is all women logic.They want to be independent until the check comes then they want a man to take the charge…literally. This was a free range speech I gave for gentlemen who pay for dates. Why? Cause they’re gentlemen. Now without further ado, lets get into it.

One of the worst feelings you can ever have is feeling like you’ve been used. You put yourself out there and got taken advantage of. It sucks, especially when you actually invested a lot into it. When you’re single,dating,and want to make a good impression on a first date we tend to pull out all the stops. We buy new clothes,try to pick the perfect restaurant, and nice activities for after dinner so you can create the perfect night and you do.Then it happens, while you were patting yourself on the back for pulling off the greatest first date you ever created and plotting the perfect follow up date, you don’t even realize your text aren’t being replied to, your phone calls aren’t being answered, you’re voice mails aren’t being returned, and your comment on her instagram selfie got ignored. When you finally do get in contact it’s either cause she wants you to take her on another nice date or she’s just tired of ignoring all your attempts to connect with her so she gives you some reason why you and her isn’t going to work out. All you can think about is when did she decide that this wasn’t going to work out? Before or after she knocked back the three Patron’ margaritas and ordered the surf n turf with extra surf that she ended up taking home? Before or after you took her to the Kevin Hart show? Don’t stress yourself trying to figure out why someone doesn’t like you, it’s unhealthy and you’ll probably never know. What you do know is that you just sponsored an extravagant night for someone that you hoped would be in your life that you may never interact with again. That’s a horrible return on investment, you just flushed money down the toilet. You took a big risk and it didn’t work out. That’s life, it happens like that sometimes. Now let me show you how to not make it happen.

Date levels

See the problem is that the dating spectrum has been completely thrown out of wack due to high levels of competition. Centuries on top of centuries of men trying to one up each other for women has gotten us to this point,leading off with extravagance. We’re starting at the ass end of the spectrum, we should be saving those types of dates for the long terms and committeds. Wives should be getting extravagant dates, fiances too I guess, not some chick you just met and want to impress that hasn’t done anything to deserve some extravagant outing from you. Here’s what the chick you just met deserves, coffee or ice cream. Why coffee or ice cream? Easy,they’re both simple,quick,and most important of all,inexpensive. You meet a woman for alcoholic drinks and she’ll be three Long Island Ice Teas in before she gives you some reason why she’s not going to have sex with you and if she reaches for the tab its so she can instagram it after you already paid it to show her friends how she’s living. No chick is drinking three cups of coffee and if they did it would still cost less than one alcoholic drink. Same goes for ice cream,that chick who wanted to get you for the surf n turf with extra surf is not running through more than two bowls of ice cream. When you take a woman out for coffee or ice cream you also cut out all the excess time of a date. No waiting for a table or food to be prepared or flagging down a waiter for the check, just in and out if need be. With all the extra out of the way you can actually focus on getting to know what your date is about mentally. No plate of food to hide behind,no waiter interrupting every five minutes,just conversation. One thing the coffee and ice cream date also does is take the edge off most people and relieves some of the tension and anxiety that traditional first dates have. It creates a more relaxed environment to just hang out and talk,isn’t that what a date supposed to be about?

The possibilities of the coffee or ice cream date are endless. You can decide if she’s someone you would want to do more with or just go your separate ways. Even if you two go your separate ways and you never see her again, the damage to your finances is a cup of coffee or a bowl of ice cream. Way better investment than a three course meal at a nice restaurant. Another great thing about this kind of date is that it will also help you weed out who’s worthy and who’s not worthy of being taken out. I’ve tried to use this date on multiple women and a ridiculously high number said yes to going out but turned around and said no or backed out once they found out the choice was either coffee or ice cream. One even told me that it’s a cheap date and she’s not a cheap date kind of girl.Could you imagine if I did end up doing something more expensive with her only to find out she’s ungrateful and egotistical as she stuffs her face full of jumbo shrimp on my dime? I’d be disgusted. I wouldn’t want to have dealings with a chick that thinks she’s too good for a coffee or ice cream date and apparently no one else does either cause that girl is still single,hoping for that white knight to come. How people react to things lets you know a lot about them and a woman’s reaction to this kind of date will let you know a lot. So before you go sponsoring meals fit for a queen and getting yourself saved as “free food” in a bunch of ladies phones,dial it back to the beginning of the dating spectrum and start simple. Save that money for when you do connect with someone who’s done something to deserve you pulling out all the stops.

Flychologist out.
#Love#Kiss#NewYears

No new feelings no, no, no.

Posted: September 17, 2013 in Free Range Flychology
Tags: ,
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A few of the things I hear a lot while doing my flychologist thing, is that when it comes to relationships gone wrong “He/She caught feelings,” “We weren’t really together,” “They started wanting to get serious,” and ” It got weird.” That level of jibber jabber only used to come out the mouths of players, but now it’s even women speaking this nonsense. First off, it needs to be said that no one should take someone catching feelings for them for granted, that’s why I called it jibber jabber. I don’t think you guys and girls realize how stupid you sound when you say that bullshit. You’re basically saying “Somebody actually enjoyed everything about me, not just the physical parts, so I got as far away from them as possible to try and find someone who just wants the physical.” It translates into “I just want to be a hoe and they were trying to tie me down.” Now you understand why it sounds especially bad when women say it. As for men, boys will be boys, you know its a infamous double standard and all.

Anyways let us dig deeper into why feelings get caught in situations where they aren’t supposed to. Actually lets not because it’s really not that complicated. Feelings will always be there. You can’t have physical relations void of any feelings because it doesn’t get anymore ‘feelable’ than one body going into another body. But how do you keep the feeling levels from jumping to catastrophic levels? Simple, don’t do shit that brings about emotional feelings. Right now you’re saying to yourself “no shit bruh, we know that” and you probably do. But do you know what brings out emotional feelings outside of the obvious? Oh you don’t? Well let me learn you right quick.

Unnecessary Touching – When relationships go south you always miss the other persons touch, but this ain’t one of those types of ‘ships though. This is friends with benefits, you two should be dapping each other up like yourl team just won a game of pick up basketball in the park against some young kids who were calling y’all old. None of those lingering hugs where perfume and body essences can be smelled and remembered. Save that for the sex, friends with benefits should be high fiving.
Unnecessary Time Together – You two shouldn’t be spending anytime together outside of having sex together. Shit makes memories and memories makes feelings. You know what you call two people that have had sex and go out to places with each other? A date. Yes a date and I don’t think I need to explain why dates are bad when you’re trying to just be friends with ‘fits. You two should be leading completely seperate lives outside of the whole sex thing. You going the same place? Meet each other there or get head on the drive there to keep it about the sex. You don’t need no memories of you two jamming to the radio in the whip. Yeah I know gas cost more than your car payment but so what? Catching feelings can cost way more than gas.

Sharing – Picture this. After that long passionate sex bout with your friend with ‘fits. You need to replenish some electrolytes and rehydrate. So you roll to the fridge and grab a water/soda/ gatorade, etc. Then you come back to the room gulping it down as your also thirsty friend with ‘fits looks at you and reaches for your drink and you pass it to them like two alcoholics sharing a forty ounce. No,No,No. Sharing shit creates a bridge of feelings you don’t need. I still remember the names of people I shared popsicles with in 1st grade. You only got one bottle of whatever? Drink that shit in the kitchen and roll back to the room with a glass of tap water. Apply the same policy to food if it comes into play. Don’t split ANYTHING. Yeah that large fries is enough for two, but you really don’t need any lady and the tramp moments. Save those shits for real love.

Calls and Texting – This gets more people caught up then they realize. If you’re texting back and forth everyday, all week, you’re deeper in it then you want to believe. You think you’re just gonna send memes all day and put smiles on the other persons face and it ain’t gonna have any effect? You are fooling yourself straight up. First off, if you’re in constant contact with your friends with benefits everyday all week then congratulations on being in an unofficial relationship. Only boyfriends and girlfriends check in everyday. Your friend with ‘fits should be batman and your text should be the bat signal. You should put it out there and hope they respond to it. No long drawn out message, just one word answers. Usually the word is something like “sex?” or “tonight?” and the response should either be “yes” followed by a time and location or a “can’t”. Can’t should always be used in place of a no because can’t sounds more friendly. Never ask why if you get a can’t. Just reply with a “cool” or an “ok” to let them know you understand and keep it moving. Tomorrow is another day. Asking why will just redline the needle on the feel-o-meter and get you into personal things you don’t really need to know. Less info = Less feelings.

Lingering – This is a surefire way to get to get feelings. It’s like a mixture of all the other ways rolled into a burrito of feelings. People get lazy after sex, they want to rest and recuperate…wherever they are at. A couch, a kitchen table, a bed. It doesn’t matter, what matters is, is it your couch? Your kitchen table? Your bed? If the answer is no then you need to leave. After the sex is over you are officially intruding on your friends personal not being tied down time. The last thing you need to be doing if you’re trying to dodge feelings is getting comfortable. Yeah that bed feels like you’re in a cloud being carried by the hands of God, but you can’t stay there and in the back of your mind you know it. A wise man once told me ” Don’t ever sleep over and don’t ever let them sleep over. Once they sleep over they become real people with hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes. They’ll draw you in with info that you didn’t need to know. You’ll get caught up in them and next thing you know, you end up really liking them.” Truer words were never spoken. The longer you hang around someone you’re not trying to know the more you will know about them and if you’re the only person there for them to talk to they aren’t going to hesitate to tell you things. Especially after you just got all intimate with them. Next thing you know, bam! They are telling you their favorite skittle is the green one and coincidentally, your favorite skittle is the green one. Now you can’t eat a green skittle without thinking about “them” for a second or you think about how nice it would be to just lounge around and share green skittles together. None of those thoughts would exist if you or they didn’t hang out long enough to feel the need to confide that. The minute that sex is over you need to hot rag and hightail it out of there. Just find your pants and shirt and roll.

Enabling – Now that we’ve got all the things you shouldn’t do down, how are you gonna keep the other person from doing them too? By not enabling them. See this is where it starts and ends, by what you do when one of these infractions happen. Why does Lebron James travel three times a game, cause the refs don’t call it. Now when you watch the game and see it you don’t blame Lebron, you blame the ref for ignoring it. In your situation you are the ref and the other person is going to try to test you with violations of the rules. You let them get away with them once, they will most definitely try for twice. If you want to survive this lifestyle then you need to learn the phrase “That’s not how this works.” It’s your version of a referee whistle. Other person not leaving your bed afterwards? “That’s not how this works.” Other person invites you to their family cookout? “That’s not how this works.” Other person text you good morning? “That’s not how this works.” If they argue about the call then eject them just like a real ref, they’ll come back but they won’t try that same move again for a while. You mess around and don’t blow that whistle then you have no one to blame but yourself as you stare at your ceiling, bunched up on the edge of your bed because your friend with ‘fits is snoring, and their wild sleeping is keeping you up; or you’re the only person not smiling in a family photo with a bunch of people you just met thirty minutes ago, being disgusted by clearing your third “thinking about you!” , “my cat just did the funniest thing.” text notification. Like I said, If you don’t put a stop to it, then you’re enabling it and if you’re enabling it then you’re co-signing it.

So what do you d with the knowledge that was just bestowed upon to you? You could write it off like its not true but it’s real life happening everyday.People are out here losing friends with benefits at an alarming rate. What you should do is have a sitdown with your insignificant other and have them read this as you stare them down intently until they finish reading. When they finish reading, ask them do they understand what they just read. If they say no, make them read it over and over until they get it. If they say yes, shake hands like friends and have some casual adult activities to celebrate your new understanding of an old arrangement. Flychologist Out.